first dates

I had two first dates this week.

One with a guy I met thru work but who I didn't work with. We've been emailing casually for a month - texting daily for a couple weeks. I went to Brooklyn to meet him near his office.  It was raining. I rode the L train on purpose. When I arrived he high fived me.  An actual high five.  I then spent a good ten minutes trying to decide if I'd read into things wrong and assumed this was a date when he held no such assumption. After a glass and a half of rye whiskey (for the record - quite good) things took a flirty turn and I settled on the fact that it was in fact a date.

The second date was a guy I know from my night-time life but with whom I don’t perform.  Things were going well – we were chatting and getting to know each other and having what I thought was a really nice time.  At the end of the night he hugged me awkwardly and ran away.  Actually sprinted up the stairs to the train.  No farewell or words of good-night-ing.  Just turned and ran.  At some point very soon I think I will find it funny.  It was so strange.  At the end of last night I concluded it was not a date.

Why is that a thing? In the age of "let's hang out", why do actual dates feel so stressful. Does saying "do you want to go on a date with me?" create too much stress and pressure? This is not an original thought, I know. There have been countless articles floating around fb lately about exactly this idea, but as I meet more and more men who are great but not great for me I find that I'm asking myself over and over to reevaluate what I want. What I need. What I find important.

So in the spirit of The Secret, I’m going to put it out there.  For three or four people to read and for the Universe to hear; I want love. I want a partner. I want someone to travel with and laugh with. I want to build a life that I can be happy with.  I want to be happy.  I want to laugh more.  

I am a patient person Universe, but I am growing tired and I’d love some help.