Monday, August 25, 2014

Elevators

Elevators are strange places. In a city like new york they can be a blessing or a curse.

Running late to work and the elevator is just waiting with open arms for you on the ground floor? Blessing.

Stuck between ten people who don't speak English and who all crammed around you to take the elevator up only one floor? Curse.

I find the psychology behind elevator etiquette fascinating. No one makes eye contact. Those tiny tvs that have a slide show of current events becomes the most interesting thing that ever was. Ever. If you enter the car first, you are expected to move to the furthest corner to make room for the others.

I was running late to a rehearsal last night and after sprinting from the train I made it thru security in the lobby only to get trapped in an elevator with a woman who pressed every button in the elevator.

After the doors closed.

So we stopped on each of the 19 floors before I made my escape. Now, I don't know if this woman was reminiscing about her childhood where pressing buttons was a rare delight or if she was fighting demons that whispered of the evils of life without lit up lights. I do know, however that whatever her reason, she was cognizant enough to wait to be crazy until after the doors slid shut.

Along with the inevitable nut case there are also the people who are incapable of seeing beyond their tiny world. The people who won't move out of the way if you have to exit a lower floor than theirs - the people who just stand stoic and force you to manhandle others and maneuver around their dead weight dead center in front of the exit.  I hate those people.

There are also the loud sighing put-upon heavyset white men who jab at the door close button like their life depends on it. Guess what guys? That doesn't actually speed things along I'm convinced that that button only exists to make control freaks running behind schedule feel like they have some ownership of their ride upstairs.  And inevitably there will be someone who dashes into the elevator right as the doors start to close and will enter the packed car as slowly as possible, causing further delays. 

One of my favorite things to do - maybe ever- is to face the wrong way in an elevator car. Give it a try sometime- it makes people so uncomfortable. Try facing in and look at the other passengers- way more interesting than staring at the finger smudged mirrored door. The lengths people will go to to not make eye contact with you is remarkable and hilarious. 

You should try it.