I once read somewhere that you should never do more than one major life change at a time. That it is too hard. Too much. Too overwhelming.
This past month I found myself unemployed (major life change), single once again (another life change) and about to turn 35 (which I understand doesn't really qualify as a life change, but fuck you I'm unemployed, single and about to be 35 so I am going to count it) and it is a lot. But honestly, I can't say that any of this would be easier just one at a time. I say if you're going to shake things up do it all at once and then collect the pieces as they fall. At least, that's what I'm saying now as I collect what's left of my dignity and try to sweep it into a pile that somewhat resembles a human adult.
I have had a full time job almost my entire adult life. Finding myself with free time during the work day has been incredibly hard. I don't know what to do with myself - and yet, I've been unreasonably busy. The thing I've lost that caught me most off guard is losing my sense of time. If it's not written down in my day planner I honestly cannot tell you when something happened. Pre-unemployment or post... those are the time keepers now. Also, do you know how many people don't work during the week? SO. MANY. My lazy little dog who has no interest in going for walks has been getting so many walks because #Iain'tGotaJob and there are a million people who just aimlessly trot around during the day. How are they paying their rent?
Being single again seems the easiest of changes because it's something I'm used to. I'm actually good at it. I like being able to go to bed whenever I want, eat on my schedule, and only drink on Wednesdays - the Lord's drinking day. I am sad and grieving the loss of what I had hoped was there, really sad actually. But I am a good single person. I like myself and I like my life. So while going to weddings alone sucks, I happen to be a pro at it. And you can drink for free at weddings, even if they're not on a Wednesday.
And 35. I knew you were coming. Like an curmudgen-y knight on a lame horse I've watched you amble toward me for a long time. And while I'm not happy you're only three sleeps away from me, I have accepted the inevitable. So what if I live in Queens in a fourth floor walk up? So what if I have a roommate who shreds more magazines in a month than you will ever read in a year? So what if I have to cobble together an income? So what if I have a tiny dog who hides under an armoire when I cry? My life is what it is and I am going to be okay.
You hear that stupid cluster of life changes? I am going to be okay.
