Hoop Earrings

I just read the most infuriating article. 24 Things Women Should Stop Wearing After Age30.   

Fuck off.

We live in an age where women are criticized for being too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too pretty, too made-up, too casual, too dumb, too smart, too young and too old.  And apparently this highly judgmental world now extends to saying that if you are over the age of 30 you should be banned from wearing hoop earrings.  Or blue eye shadow.  Or mini skirts because we old-bitties clearly are expected to leave them for the “young folks”.   

There were a few things on this “list” that I agree I shouldn’t wear: platform flip-flops, overalls, booty shorts, scrunchies.  The important clarification here though is that it’s not that I think they shouldn’t be worn by women over 30 – they just shouldn’t be worn.  By anyone.  Ever.  

Why are platform flip-flops even a thing? 

Also on the list is any clothing item from Abercrombie and Fitch because “do 30 year-olds even fit in A&F clothes?” 

FUCK OFF.

First of all I never shopped at A&F.  I never liked their style.  However, personal taste aside, Abercrombie and Fitch sucks. No one should wear their clothes.  The value youth and thinness to a sickening level, and don’t sell clothing in sizes larger than a women’s 12.  They don’t want “fat” people shopping in their stores.  Now, I work out 6 days a week and mostly watch what I eat.  I am (gasp) 33 years old and I can fit in their clothes.  I choose not to.

So – to the 20 something little twit who decided that you are the be-all-end-all of fashion choices – I can’t wait until you turn 30 and realize what an idiot you are. 

Until then, don’t mind me.  I’ll be over here aging poorly in my mother’s old hoop earrings and my ratty sneakers.

first dates

I had two first dates this week.

One with a guy I met thru work but who I didn't work with. We've been emailing casually for a month - texting daily for a couple weeks. I went to Brooklyn to meet him near his office.  It was raining. I rode the L train on purpose. When I arrived he high fived me.  An actual high five.  I then spent a good ten minutes trying to decide if I'd read into things wrong and assumed this was a date when he held no such assumption. After a glass and a half of rye whiskey (for the record - quite good) things took a flirty turn and I settled on the fact that it was in fact a date.

The second date was a guy I know from my night-time life but with whom I don’t perform.  Things were going well – we were chatting and getting to know each other and having what I thought was a really nice time.  At the end of the night he hugged me awkwardly and ran away.  Actually sprinted up the stairs to the train.  No farewell or words of good-night-ing.  Just turned and ran.  At some point very soon I think I will find it funny.  It was so strange.  At the end of last night I concluded it was not a date.

Why is that a thing? In the age of "let's hang out", why do actual dates feel so stressful. Does saying "do you want to go on a date with me?" create too much stress and pressure? This is not an original thought, I know. There have been countless articles floating around fb lately about exactly this idea, but as I meet more and more men who are great but not great for me I find that I'm asking myself over and over to reevaluate what I want. What I need. What I find important.

So in the spirit of The Secret, I’m going to put it out there.  For three or four people to read and for the Universe to hear; I want love. I want a partner. I want someone to travel with and laugh with. I want to build a life that I can be happy with.  I want to be happy.  I want to laugh more.  

I am a patient person Universe, but I am growing tired and I’d love some help.

Too much travel...

I travelled a lot in February. 

I worked my regular full-time job in NYC and shoved in a lot of travel on the weekends for tours, gigs and a little tiny bit of personal travel. 

Last month I visited:

Seattle, WA

San Francisco, CA

Modesto, CA

Orlando, FL

West Palm Beach, FL

Miami, FL

Winter Haven, FL

Charlotte, NC

Chicago, IL

Ocala, FL

Florida Keys, FL

All of my money now lives in the bank of my dog sitter.  When I adopted my pup I had a couple close friends living nearby who had whole-heartedly volunteered to dog-sit whenever I needed it.  They have all since moved away and I am so lucky to have a couple sitters living near-ish to me that I trust and like.  I am poor, obviously, but thankful for them. 

I am not getting on an airplane until April, thank God.  I just can’t do it.  I was hoping to get down to Florida for a couple days mid-month, but I just cannot.   

There used to be a shininess to travel that has worn off.  Living out of a suitcase.  Sleeping in hotels. Meeting new people everyday.  It’s nice once in a while (IF you’re staying in nice hotels), but mostly it’s exhausting.  And it is impossible to eat well.  I don’t know how anyone who travels more than they don’t aren’t obese.  If French fries are on the menu, I’m gonna order them.

Lessons learned?  Stay home.  Eat cereal for every meal. Snuggle my own dog for free in my own bed.  Go to sleep early. And avoid Newark Airport at all costs.

Uh Oh...

This morning I sat on the train across from a little boy and his mother. Because of the weather and rush hour our forward movement was stop and go. Every time we would slow and/or stop this little boy would say "uh oh! What is happening?!"  Every time.  As if he’d never uttered that phrase before or been more baffled by anything in the world. 

I'm with you little dude. What the hell is happening?

I just got back from what seems like a full month of travel, and this winter seems never ending. Now, I'm a winter person, but I am so tired of my boots. I am tired of having sweaty too hot feet. I'm tired of needing a third more space on the trains because of my jacket and hat and scarf. Every time i think that the worst is behind us, we get a day like Monday and it sleet rains all day.

Uh oh. What is happening?

Last night, because of the heavy snowfall all the trains were running slower than normal and were extra full on my commute home. There were three men man-spreading across a four person bench that I was standing over, and when the train was so full it was bursting I got tired of the wasted space, said excuse me to these men and tried to sit.  Neither moved, so I said excuse me again and just sat down in the too small seat-space.  The man nearest the wall - who for the record had his bag ON THE SEAT next to him, was so offended that I dared to sit and wake him, because yes he was asleep, that he started yelling about how I could at least have said "excuse me" before sitting.  When I informed him that I had in fact said it twice, he went on a rant about how I could have at least tapped him or something.

Uh oh. What is happening?

There is no world in which I would ever intentionally touch a stranger to wake them so I could sit down. Saying excuse me is the correct course of action.  AND PS YOU ASS HAT - you are taking up more than your share of space- during rush hour when the trains are delayed - you are in the wrong so don't you dare yell at me.   I of course said none of this while he muttered under his breath about how horrible a human I was. Also, I'd like it to be said that he was totally normal looking, definitely not homeless and in hos late 20's. This guy wasn't crazy- he was just a dick.

I think people are starting to go stir crazy. This winter is making us all awful. Every glimmer of hope that spring is near is squashed along with our optimism and kindness. Every new snow-fall leaves us all asking ourselves and each other what is happening?  Why do we intentionally stay in a city where this weather is the norm?

I have no idea little dude- but I hear you. What the hell is happening?