Almost birthday.

Two days ago was my "two months away from turning 32" day.  For the record, as a typo I typed 21, instead of 32 and it made me want to cry a little bit.  Not that I'd got back and be 21 again - Jesus, what a mess that would be, but still.  I'm nearly 32 and I feel like I have nothing to show for myself. 

To be fair I have a great life, I know this.   I live and work in New York City (though, my apartment is in Queens - not Manhattan, so don't go getting any fancy ideas about my lifestyle), I have a day job that pays me enough that I'm able to pay all my bills and put approximately 25 cents a month into my savings account, I'm healthy, have an amazing family and a wonderful group of friends - but somehow, it still feels like something is missing. 

I used to have a gold fish.  Her name was Darlene, she lived for 4 years and three months.  When I moved to Orlando from Chicago I bought a fish travel case (yes, those actually exist) and she made the drive down with me and died two months later.  She clearly hated living in Florida.  

I have a house-plant that's nearly eleven years old.  One of my best friend's mother's gave it to me as a graduation present from college, and while I've nearly killed it several times, it's still hanging in there.  Green thumb I do not have, but this plant (whose name is Will by the way - don't ask why) just won't die.  

I am the proud owner of two full sets of bagpipes.  It's on my to-do list for 2013 to start practicing both again.  The issues there are obvious - where does one practice the bagpipes?  Even if you're incredibly gifted, it isn't really an instrument people run toward - more like flee from as quickly as possible... isn't that a joke somewhere?  A guy is in prison and his mother comes to visit and asks how he's doing, what his cell-mate is like.... and he says "well, he's fine I suppose except for the fact he's always bashing his head against the wall" and the mother asks how he deals with that and the man says "oh, it's fine, I just keep playing my bagpipes"... Well, imagine that terror and then take any talent of skill out of the sound and then you'd have me. 

I also have a trombone.  I'm not sure what I hoped to gain as a 9 year old by selecting that as my instrument of choice but man, it is useless to me now.  Plus, I'm not very good at it.  But at least there are studios in Manhattan that you can rent out for practicing - which is a step in the right direction. 

Even with all of this - all my worldly nearly useless possessions, something is still amiss.