Late Lent

For the month of April I had, what my friends were calling “a late Lent”.  I took the month off from alcohol and online dating. 

I have had a profile on OK Cupid for almost a year, and found myself getting really frustrated with the quality – or lack thereof – of men that were reaching out to me.  So instead of being that surly spiteful hag to the few who might not have been the worst version of man, I decided to disable my profile for 36 days and reevaluate.  So I did.

So, on my second day of being 32 years old, I reactivated my account.

I realize that I’m probably in the minority here, but I try to be as truthful as possible on my profile.  I don’t have any pictures of myself posted that are more than 2 years old.  My main picture was taken at my birthday party, and I selected “average to athletic” as my body type.  I am honest about how tall I am, and I purposefully chose a lot of nerdy references and silly faced-photos to reflect my sense of humor and grandma-ness.  I suppose this is why I haven’t been overwhelmed with handsome eligible messages, but I’d rather wait it out for the guy who will match my style. 

Of course, I say that now, but how long is a realistic wait time? My very last non-New York single friend is getting married next weekend, and while I’m so happy for her – this will mark the 19^th wedding I’ve attended minus a plus one, in the past five years.  Going with my parents does not count as a date – let me just be clear on that.

I refuse to lower my standards solely out of loneliness.  Last night I got a message from a guy and all it said was “graet smile”.  I went to his profile and he has not posted one single photo of himself. 

Seriously dude? F that.

I deleted his message and continued my perusal of other possible man-friends.  Within minutes of visiting his page I get a SECOND message from him saying he meant what he said in his first message and that he apologizes for his lack of pictures “it’s my work” – whatever the hell that means.

In the three plus years and various sites and various accounts of online dating, I have only rarely heard back from guys that I reached out to first.  I don’t know if this is because I have an unrealistic view of myself, or if the guys online who say they’re looking for someone their own age are liars, but the men who engage with me online usually fall into one of the following categories:

1. CRAZY
2. Over the age of 45
3. Married with children but looking for something on the side
4. Really dumb

*Disclaimer – I have met some reasonable and smart and mostly attractive men, great guys really, just not a good fit with me. 

I have to believe that there is someone out there who is normal and funny and smart and who is (at least most of the time) employed somewhere.  My friends in other cities all say that I’m still single because I live in New York and this place is so hard for single women – I’m not disagreeing with them at all – but I was single before I moved here too.  And before that.  And before that.

So here I am universe, asking that you head my plea, and lead me in the direction of finding someone to play scrabble with. 

I am just going to adopt a dog.  It will make things a lot easier.