Mother's Day

The older I get, the more often I realize that my Mother is usually right.  

Now, I’m not talking about my hair-style (which she thinks is too long), or where I live (she’d rather I settle down in no-where’s-ville America – or in the basement at home), or what I do for a living (she cannot understand why I don’t want to be a teacher).  I am talking about the seemingly trivial life-bits that help you figure out how to behave like a decent human being.

One of the first things she said that I remember remembering was “girls who start early, end early.”  Now, this could mean a million things – and in the age of Teen Mom I, II and III – it seems even more poignant.  I meet people now who talk about their high school years as the best in their life, and I feel sorry for them.  Like most of America, high school kind of sucked for me.  And I was well liked.  But the start-early end-early concept (which I will admit I use as a joke more often than not) has its point. 

So, now that I’m 32, with some of my mother’s advice peppered in, here is what I know:

• There are kitchen gadgets in Bed, Bath and Beyond that are sold solely to make people feel inept when they aren’t used or understood.  It is okay not to buy them and own only one pan. 
• Katherine McFee is one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood, but also the most lifeless, boring and uninteresting.
• There are women on this earth who are naturally skinny and there are women on this earth who are not.  Figuring out which one you, and not beating yourself up over it will make life a lot easier.
• Eating cereal for dinner is sometimes the better option to cooking a full out meal.  Especially if you’re eating alone.
• The hair-dresser who took it upon herself to wax my eyebrows without my consent when I was 16 changed my life.
• Everyone should attend sleep away camp.
• Making your bed in the morning brings peace into your life in unexpected ways.
• Friends who will eat an entire pint of ice cream or several tubes of Pringles with you without judgment are the best kinds of friends to have.
• There is no such thing as too much face cream.
• Holding a grudge is equal parts satisfying and harmful.
• Not getting enough sleep makes everything harder and more irritating.
• Seeing a dead turtle in the road is one of the saddest things in the world.
• If a guy writes on his dating profile that “he only dates petite girls”, “is fanatical about manicured eyebrows” or has more than one photo of himself making the pouty face – run.
• No one enjoys doing the dishes, cleaning the toilet or taking out trash – they still have to get done.
• Eventually we all start coughing, sneezing and farting like our parents.  Try not to be surprised. 
• Eating grapes before a big work-out is a bad idea.
• Always RSVP, send thank you notes, show up on time and carry a granola bar in your purse.

Happy Mother’s Day.